今夜大家不醉就不歸，明早太陽是我的棉被

This week goes so fast. I just come to Aus and meet bri. It's fantastic I can touch her, kiss her, hug her. It's better than I image. I thought I don't have to worry anymore. There are so many stuff I wanna try. I think I am brave, but it's not true. I start priding. I think I can do everything, because bri is at my side. But I am still weak. I can't do anything by myself. Sometimes I feel I am nothing. Bri can choose a guy lived Aus. Anyone is better than me. But she didn't do that. I don't want her to do that, neither. I love her so much. I wanna b good enough for her. Tonight should b a good night. But I mess up. I feel so bad. How many chance  heavenly father give us to change? I can't make continuous mistakes. Even people forgive me, I cannot forgive myself.

Last night I didn't go to karaoke, cuz I couldn't.  My mum go crazy again. She is mad she think I don't want her to stay at home. She wanna slap me, so I walk away. She call the police. Thay ask us to go home and stop arguing. When we were home, she become more angery. Then shushu was mad he told me go back my room. So I go my room and lock the door. My mum still didn't stop talking. I packaged quickly. I leave the house at 4 o'clock. I go to ChiWen‘s house. He just come back from karaoke. We wake up at 11o'clock  and I answer mum‘s call. She is calm, so I said I will go home. We go to lunch, but I didn't eat. Because she still say something bad and I don't have much patience. After lunch, we go home. I teach her how to use skype. I miss bri. I hope I have chance to talk to her  today.

Sucks tonight. I miss bri all day along. I thought I could go home early and wait for her.  But I have to work longer and I will go out later. When I get home, I try to fimd bri. I am glad she answer me before I go out. But she is sad. I am very worried about her. I wanna know what happened and spend time with her make her feel better. But I screw up. She mention Tristan. I am so jealous. She said she still think about go to his place and like him. I am mad. I hang up and go out right away. I know she send me msg straightaway. But I didn't want to see it. I am so jealous she still think about him. I go into the car and hit the handle. I pick my friend up. I drive fast. He is a bit nervous but he didn't know I am mad. Because    l am good at pretending myself no matter what had happened. The movie sucks. When I went home my mum blame me I didn't answer the phone. I don't have any patience with her. I go out again. Now I am still outside. I screw everything up. I am so mad at myself. It's hard to choose the right. And every time I choose the wrong way, it seems I am gonna loose everything. I always give them chance. But when I make mistake. Who gives me the chance? I am tired and sick of it. I hate myself. I know I should stay with bri, but I didn't. Even hurt her more. I dont know how to face her and ask her forgive me. There is no one can feel my pain. Because I am always alone.

Yesterday is the earth day. There is activity held at church. I woke up by phone from Chou SsHwei. It's 7 o'clock so early. I go to their house pick them up. When we get the church, we start picking up trash nearby church. It's hot weather. I chat elder Pu. We talk about Eminem's songs. He really love him. We had fun. And he take a photo with me. Sometimes I don't know when I had taken the photo. Chou Sshwei went to Taichung before and she saw a photo of me and elder Hu. It's so funny!

I am so excited I got the visa mail. And this morning bri booked the plane ticket for me. I will see her soon. I dunno what I should do when we meet. I practice it in my mind so many times. I still feel nervous and my heartbeat fast when she close to me. I will try to be natural.

This morning we went to shooting. It's about 4 km. We wear the helmet, S belt and bring a stool. It's easy. I remember when I was soldier, I have to take a knapsack and gun. We walk in line and pass the dessert, candy one by one. It's fun. When we got there, we start shooting. I don't feel nervous cuz we all are like going to nightmarket to play game. We don't care how much scores we get. Couple years ago we all felt nervous and it's like a competition. We encourage each other. It's a good memory. This time there are many people get 0. I dunno why they are suck. Then it turns me, I just know it. The weeds are too long. I can't see my target. All I see is weeds. So I just finish it quickly. Whatever. We don't care the score. I think I shot the target that is Weicheng's, cuz his position is next to me. Maybe he will get a good scores. Because another one next Weicheng he said he shot his target, too. Tonight we stay at day room watch TV. It's boring. Then we go to bed early. We chat about we had funny things in army. But I dunno why we talk about ghost story in the end. I know someone who can see it. So I share his stories. They all feel scary, but we have fun. We will come home tomorrow. Everybody is so excited. I can't wait to see and talk to Bri. I miss her so much. This afternoon we chat and I talk about bri. I said I'm gonna Aus to find her. My friends arre curious how we met and connect. They think it's awesome.

Yup, that's all. I didnt record last day and I can't remember it lol.

This is my brother's room . My cat saw me do the sit up, so she wanna try it lol. She is so cute!

Today I go to temple. It‘s good for me. I want prepare myself to face anything. I think I have many challenges recently. I wanna have more jobs so that I can find bri quickly. And the plane ticket will be more expensive on Nov, Dec. I got the passport then I have to apply to visa. I keep doing excise everyday. But I dunno why that I keep excising, I will easy to feel horny. I am addicted to bri. When she fall asleep, I touch her cheeks, lips and kiss her. Yesterday she is gonna tale off clothes. I am so nervous, I know she love me so much. I am glad. But she will be sad after she did it. And so am I. Maybe Satan wanna defeat us. I am glad me and bri can get by. I am glad I have chance to let my family accept gospel. l am lucky that I can know the gospel in my life. I hope I can use it in life. I can overcome anything with bri. 

Before I go to work, I do exercise. Now it's fair. I saw u just wear garment, u saw I didn't wear clothes. But I still feel shy of it, I keep it for u. I wanna be stronger so that I can give u safety.

This morning we went to day room. A teacher taught us how to use the machine gun. to separate it, combine it. I had leaned it before, so I feel it's boring. He just spent about 30 mins, Then we have nothing to do. We all stay in the room. Some people chat, some people do nothing and some people sleep. I just close my eyes, but I can hear the sound and know what they doing. I go back the room to take the bible. Anyone is curious what I read. I show them. The partner said I can be a priest to exorcise the ghost like the movie one. I said yes. I don't know how mum is. I hope she is ok. Today is her birthday. She said she wanna suicide on her birthday. I just think I can bring ChihChiang's phone to ring her. I dunno if she hear my voice, she would feel happy or tell me she's gonna die. I dunno. 

I miss Bri. I read letter every night. She said she wanna have a temple marrige with me. We can grow together spiritually. She said my faith can help her. YES, I believe it. Because of her, I wanna be a better man so I can help her and good enough for her. Baby, I miss u. I hope u can be healthy and happy. We're going to date, marrige, make babies and have our own eternal family. It will be work out.

I woke up every half an hour last night. They wake us up at 5:30. It's so early. After breakfast, we watch news on TV about an hour. There is a soldier comes and teach us how to carry a wounded. He did it once and chose me and another guy to do it once. I play the wounded. It's easy. I just lie on the floor and cooperatewith him. After the lesson, we watch movie. I saw it at first sight I just recognize it. It called THE RITE. I saw it alone two years ago. I think it's good. I like Anthony Hopkins. He is a actor of genius. We didn't watch it all because it's lunch time. 

I miss Bri. Hope she is ok. I saw her crying yesterday, but she smile in the end. Maybe she doesnt wanna make me worry. She is so strong. I am proud of her. I don't have experience as hers, but I can take care her at least. I want to be compassionate and accompany her any time. Let her feel I really care about her and love her. I should strengthen my faith, be improved, so I can always give her a hand.