I am so excited I got the visa mail. And this morning bri booked the plane ticket for me. I will see her soon. I dunno what I should do when we meet. I practice it in my mind so many times. I still feel nervous and my heartbeat fast when she close to me. I will try to be natural.
It's a bit horrible tonight. I just wake up and my mum said I have to talk to shushu. I said Wait a min, I just wake up. But she keep pushing me. I start feeling annoyed, because she always blames me. I ask her don't blame me. and if she wanna talk, she should calm down first. Then I said I go to dinner right now. I know I am rude to her. I feel bad. After an hour, mum rang me and she blamed me again. She wanna have quarrel with me, but I don't want to. She ring me, I answer. But she speak loudly, I just hang up. I hang up her ring maybe 5 times later. She calm down. So I said I will go home right away. Then I talk to shushu. Shushu he wants to tell mum I can do what I want, she can't involve me too much. But my mum didn't think so and she become very very mad. She said she is gonna suicide and go to kitchen to take the knife. Shushu follow her try to stop her. But she didn't take the knife... I know she won't so I just sit. After 5 seconds, she come and slap me. Cuz she think I didn't try to stop her. She start losing control. I said if u still b mad, I should go outside for a while. I speak softly and try to calm down. But she slap me again. She really piss me off that moment, cuz I grind my teeth. I think I am mad so I went out right away. I just go to park and take a walk. After 2 hours, she rang me. I pick up the phone. Then it's terrible. I heard a sound it's not mum's. She keep laughing like a witch or ghost. And she said I don't have to afraid A Hahaha, cuz she slap my mum for me A Hahahaha. She go crazy totally and she deserve it A hahaha. That's really scary. I just listen and don't make a sound. Then my brother rang me, he said mum call him and she is so scary. I had goose bumps when we talked about this. He said she also called dad, and she said all the dirty words to him. Crazy. I talked to my brother, dad and aunt. They all think she pretend to be a psycho. Try to bother us because she isn't happy.
After an hour, mum rang me. She become normal cuz shushu asked her to take medicine. She said she feel sorry she go crazy and maybe it will happen later. To other people, it's hard to believe she didn't pretend. But I believe her she can't control herself. I dunno why Satan want me. He knows I am weak. I depend on every one I loved. I am sorry and sad when they get hurt. But I didn't cry and say anything to them. I just listen to them and try to work it out by myself. It seems I am loveless cuz I am calm. I am learning to show my love for them. That is bri taught me. She remind me telling her some good memories, ask me to give my mum a hug. She encourage me and love me. She make me wanna be a better man. That's why I love her so much. She is amazing. When she get drunk... I mean she feel sleepy, I always want to tell her I love her thousand times. Because I think she won't feel I am annoying when she is sleepy. And she can't remember it at all!
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