今夜大家不醉就不歸，明早太陽是我的棉被

This week goes so fast. I just come to Aus and meet bri. It's fantastic I can touch her, kiss her, hug her. It's better than I image. I thought I don't have to worry anymore. There are so many stuff I wanna try. I think I am brave, but it's not true. I start priding. I think I can do everything, because bri is at my side. But I am still weak. I can't do anything by myself. Sometimes I feel I am nothing. Bri can choose a guy lived Aus. Anyone is better than me. But she didn't do that. I don't want her to do that, neither. I love her so much. I wanna b good enough for her. Tonight should b a good night. But I mess up. I feel so bad. How many chance  heavenly father give us to change? I can't make continuous mistakes. Even people forgive me, I cannot forgive myself.

Last night I didn't go to karaoke, cuz I couldn't.  My mum go crazy again. She is mad she think I don't want her to stay at home. She wanna slap me, so I walk away. She call the police. Thay ask us to go home and stop arguing. When we were home, she become more angery. Then shushu was mad he told me go back my room. So I go my room and lock the door. My mum still didn't stop talking. I packaged quickly. I leave the house at 4 o'clock. I go to ChiWen‘s house. He just come back from karaoke. We wake up at 11o'clock  and I answer mum‘s call. She is calm, so I said I will go home. We go to lunch, but I didn't eat. Because she still say something bad and I don't have much patience. After lunch, we go home. I teach her how to use skype. I miss bri. I hope I have chance to talk to her  today.

Sucks tonight. I miss bri all day along. I thought I could go home early and wait for her.  But I have to work longer and I will go out later. When I get home, I try to fimd bri. I am glad she answer me before I go out. But she is sad. I am very worried about her. I wanna know what happened and spend time with her make her feel better. But I screw up. She mention Tristan. I am so jealous. She said she still think about go to his place and like him. I am mad. I hang up and go out right away. I know she send me msg straightaway. But I didn't want to see it. I am so jealous she still think about him. I go into the car and hit the handle. I pick my friend up. I drive fast. He is a bit nervous but he didn't know I am mad. Because    l am good at pretending myself no matter what had happened. The movie sucks. When I went home my mum blame me I didn't answer the phone. I don't have any patience with her. I go out again. Now I am still outside. I screw everything up. I am so mad at myself. It's hard to choose the right. And every time I choose the wrong way, it seems I am gonna loose everything. I always give them chance. But when I make mistake. Who gives me the chance? I am tired and sick of it. I hate myself. I know I should stay with bri, but I didn't. Even hurt her more. I dont know how to face her and ask her forgive me. There is no one can feel my pain. Because I am always alone.

Yesterday is the earth day. There is activity held at church. I woke up by phone from Chou SsHwei. It's 7 o'clock so early. I go to their house pick them up. When we get the church, we start picking up trash nearby church. It's hot weather. I chat elder Pu. We talk about Eminem's songs. He really love him. We had fun. And he take a photo with me. Sometimes I don't know when I had taken the photo. Chou Sshwei went to Taichung before and she saw a photo of me and elder Hu. It's so funny!

I am so excited I got the visa mail. And this morning bri booked the plane ticket for me. I will see her soon. I dunno what I should do when we meet. I practice it in my mind so many times. I still feel nervous and my heartbeat fast when she close to me. I will try to be natural.

This morning we went to shooting. It's about 4 km. We wear the helmet, S belt and bring a stool. It's easy. I remember when I was soldier, I have to take a knapsack and gun. We walk in line and pass the dessert, candy one by one. It's fun. When we got there, we start shooting. I don't feel nervous cuz we all are like going to nightmarket to play game. We don't care how much scores we get. Couple years ago we all felt nervous and it's like a competition. We encourage each other. It's a good memory. This time there are many people get 0. I dunno why they are suck. Then it turns me, I just know it. The weeds are too long. I can't see my target. All I see is weeds. So I just finish it quickly. Whatever. We don't care the score. I think I shot the target that is Weicheng's, cuz his position is next to me. Maybe he will get a good scores. Because another one next Weicheng he said he shot his target, too. Tonight we stay at day room watch TV. It's boring. Then we go to bed early. We chat about we had funny things in army. But I dunno why we talk about ghost story in the end. I know someone who can see it. So I share his stories. They all feel scary, but we have fun. We will come home tomorrow. Everybody is so excited. I can't wait to see and talk to Bri. I miss her so much. This afternoon we chat and I talk about bri. I said I'm gonna Aus to find her. My friends arre curious how we met and connect. They think it's awesome.

Yup, that's all. I didnt record last day and I can't remember it lol.

This is my brother's room . My cat saw me do the sit up, so she wanna try it lol. She is so cute!

Today I go to temple. It‘s good for me. I want prepare myself to face anything. I think I have many challenges recently. I wanna have more jobs so that I can find bri quickly. And the plane ticket will be more expensive on Nov, Dec. I got the passport then I have to apply to visa. I keep doing excise everyday. But I dunno why that I keep excising, I will easy to feel horny. I am addicted to bri. When she fall asleep, I touch her cheeks, lips and kiss her. Yesterday she is gonna tale off clothes. I am so nervous, I know she love me so much. I am glad. But she will be sad after she did it. And so am I. Maybe Satan wanna defeat us. I am glad me and bri can get by. I am glad I have chance to let my family accept gospel. l am lucky that I can know the gospel in my life. I hope I can use it in life. I can overcome anything with bri. 

Before I go to work, I do exercise. Now it's fair. I saw u just wear garment, u saw I didn't wear clothes. But I still feel shy of it, I keep it for u. I wanna be stronger so that I can give u safety.

This morning we went to day room. A teacher taught us how to use the machine gun. to separate it, combine it. I had leaned it before, so I feel it's boring. He just spent about 30 mins, Then we have nothing to do. We all stay in the room. Some people chat, some people do nothing and some people sleep. I just close my eyes, but I can hear the sound and know what they doing. I go back the room to take the bible. Anyone is curious what I read. I show them. The partner said I can be a priest to exorcise the ghost like the movie one. I said yes. I don't know how mum is. I hope she is ok. Today is her birthday. She said she wanna suicide on her birthday. I just think I can bring ChihChiang's phone to ring her. I dunno if she hear my voice, she would feel happy or tell me she's gonna die. I dunno. 

I miss Bri. I read letter every night. She said she wanna have a temple marrige with me. We can grow together spiritually. She said my faith can help her. YES, I believe it. Because of her, I wanna be a better man so I can help her and good enough for her. Baby, I miss u. I hope u can be healthy and happy. We're going to date, marrige, make babies and have our own eternal family. It will be work out.

I woke up every half an hour last night. They wake us up at 5:30. It's so early. After breakfast, we watch news on TV about an hour. There is a soldier comes and teach us how to carry a wounded. He did it once and chose me and another guy to do it once. I play the wounded. It's easy. I just lie on the floor and cooperatewith him. After the lesson, we watch movie. I saw it at first sight I just recognize it. It called THE RITE. I saw it alone two years ago. I think it's good. I like Anthony Hopkins. He is a actor of genius. We didn't watch it all because it's lunch time. 

I miss Bri. Hope she is ok. I saw her crying yesterday, but she smile in the end. Maybe she doesnt wanna make me worry. She is so strong. I am proud of her. I don't have experience as hers, but I can take care her at least. I want to be compassionate and accompany her any time. Let her feel I really care about her and love her. I should strengthen my faith, be improved, so I can always give her a hand.

It's raining heavily outside, so I guess CN doesn't work. I rang him drive me to the army. He said yes right away. I am lucky. When I got there, I just follow the crowd to get uniform, equipment, underwear, etc. Then I get lost. There is someone told me I should go into the day room. There are many people and the officer start to call the roll. I saw an investigator, ChihChiang he broke up with girlfriend and we chat at church 2 weeks ago, said Hi to me and he said it's crazy we met here. There is someone sit next to him is my ex coworker A-Hung, when I was college student. He was handsome before, but now his hair is rare and is fatter. We move to dining hall and I see another friend YuehJin who was my mate when I was soldier. We go to dinner every Chinese New Year. It's awesome I met friends there. A new friend WeiShau, we chat a bit. He is silent and always sleep. He said he is a house decorator. I just know it about him, because he sleep all the time, even now! Weicheng, his bed is above mine. He is A-Hung's friend. I think he is good. We go anywhere together. When we are in line, he stand behind me. There is a rocker stand in front of me who has long hair and long nails. His thumb's nail is about 7 or 8 cm. Crazy.

This morning I saw Bri crying. She feels sad cuz she is always unhealthy. I know she try so hard to keep healthy. I wish her sick can transfer to me. Let me share her pain, disease. She is stronger than other people. When she was at Taiwan, I search many information about diabetes. I wanna know it, so I can help her any time. I miss Bri. I read letter she wrote for me.

Alma 46:12, 20-21. Moroni is smart and is a good leader. He can speak the words powerfully. After I read sciptures iin English version, I more understand what they'd done. Today I called Gwan jiemei ask about the passport. I need to give her my ID card, but I have to bring it when I go to army. It's annoying. I can't talk to bri and can't see her for many days. It's such a long day for me. I will bring the letter she wrote and photo at my side. I hope I can get by. I will have my hair cut. It's a bit long and messy. I like bri wear in dress. It looks comfortable and she is so gorgeous.

There had a typhoon few days ago. It was raining a lot ans was weird weather. It keep raining heavily 5 mins then stop. I don't want to wear the raincoat, so it rain I just stay on the roadside.

I think there are a lot of things to do. Mum is not ok tonight. Maybe there is something happened tomorrow morning. I have to go to government again, duck factory, new work, mos burger. And I wanna get alone. Sorry, maybe we can't call. I am really sorry. I love u so much, I really do, but I need a space. Sorry, I admit I am weak sometimes, forgive me. I am tired but I can't sleep. I will try to sleep. It's ok after this day. Don't worry.

Today I let my mum talk to bri. I know she must say something bad to her and hurt her. But I know bri still want to talk to her. I am struggle with this situation. My mum kept blaming bri and always said something bad. I saw bri cry and mum was unhappy. I know they should have a chance to talk and know each other. Maybe just bri knows, cuz my mum alwways misunderstand people. It's hard for me, but I still let them talk. Bri said she understand why mum is mad at her. Maybe someday bri will blame me that I can easily let our children leave us lol. But it's ok. I think that's why sister should have a brother by her side, because they need each other. I will make her feel safe and understand I still love them. I will let them go. It's hard for me, too. But my love for them is the same, it is just one way to become more and more I can give.

Bri stay up to talk to me every night. I am worried about her health, but I also wanna know how she is. If I was there, I would kiss her head and ask her to go to bed early. I wish I could hug her and fall asleep. I search may informations about going to Aus. I can't wait to see bri. I miss her so much. I can do anything for her. I need money to solve a lot of problems, but I know it's not a big deal and it is easy to work out. Because there are more important things. How can we use the gospel in our life? What should I do for someone I loved? No matter how tired I am, it will be worth when I see ur smile.

I will pray for u. I pray for u everyday

The night before yesterday it was raining heavily, so my friend CN, the married one, picks me up. We meet our friends at a ballad restaurant, but there is no seat. We decide to go to another one, TianPin restaurant. Everyone talk about the game stuff. My cell phone can't play the game, but I still know how to play and some informations. I aks CN share wifi for me, so I can connect Skype. I am happy bri is there. I stare at screen and chat with bri. My friend GuoShiu, handsome guy cuz girls want his phone number, ask me why I am so weird that I just keep smiling. Then he saw my phone screen. He told my friends ' Oh! someone fall for a girl, he is talking with his girlfriend.'  'We already know it, so give him a space and let him be sweet with his gf.' they said. Peishin, Guoshiu's cousin, she is curious when I speaking English. She pays attention to our talk. After dinner, we go to Donut to drink some tea. It's fun to spend time with them.

ShinRay, A-Shian,CN

I didn't notice that I have not refresh my blog for a week. Every morning I just try to get up early to talk to Bri. When I am free, I check the Skype, blog, fb, refresh them every minute. I wanna know where is Bri, what is Bri doing right now, How is Bri. I miss her so much. I found my last blog is on 8/8. It's Father's Day. Maybe it's my day two years later.

It's raining recently. After my work, I drive scooter home with no raincoat. It's comfortable. Today I almost get home, I drive to basement. Suddenly my scooter went into a skid because the tire is too old. Just one second. I slipped. My move is like doing push-up and I stand up straightaway. Then I feel my hands and legs are paining. I let my scooter lie on thee floor. I am ok now. It's strange. If I am working hard and get hurt, my wound healed quickly lol.

I have not writen blog for ages. It's inconvenient outside and I don't have cell phone. But I am free. The duck factory job is very tired. If u are not strong enough or had done that before, u wont stay there. I am weak and never work at factory before. But I stay there lol. I though Bri will be happy I get the job first. But she worried about me. I just rush into the work. Because it has a good pay. I need it, so I can save money quickly to find her. She cried for me because the work is too tiring. I am so stupid make her worry and cry. I should consider how her feeling is, I should. She knows I will do anything for her. But I have to do the good things not the stupid job. I hope she can enjoy the duck food after I quit the job. Duck is innocent.

I think about I talked to Bri last night. She is so beautiful. I love her so much. And she try to hug me. I close my eyes to feel her hug. It's so warm and comfortable. I still can feel that now.

There are many photos. Sorry.

On Monday morning. I go outside alone. Shut off the phone. Try to figure out something. But I dunno where I should start to find. Then I found a place where is beautiful and natural. I love it.